Twelve Weeks with our Baby
Toilet training! Toilet training is messy. It’s draining and it makes you realise changing a nappy isn’t so bad after all haha.
Otis has taken to toilet training rather well. The first few day’s were hard and had us questioning why we decided to do it but on the 4th day it all seemed to click.
The first few day’s we let him run around the house with no pants or jocks on. There was a lot of wee on the floor and not much in the toilet. There was even two poo’s on the floor that I somehow ended up being the one cleaning up (I'll be getting my payback Paul). Cleaning up poo off the floor seems so much worse than cleaning up a poo nappy. I have never been more thankful that our house is full of floorboards and tiles. Having carpet and trying to toilet train would be awful. If you have carpet then I urge you to burn it before starting any toilet training.
Anyway, day 4 things seemed to click. We had lots of successful wee’s on the toilet and even a poo which Paul got all emotional about. Paul had been trying so hard all day to get a poo on the toilet and at 6:30pm after a bath he finally got the poo he was hoping for. Otis was pretty chuffed too because he got have a lolly snake before bed haha.
Over the weekend Otis seemed to regress. He had only been having maybe one accident a day for about two days and then on Sunday he had about four accidents. It was frustrating but we didn’t make a big deal about it. We explained that wee’s go in the toilet etc, cleaned it up and moved on.
On Monday we seemed to be back on track. He told us twice that day that he needed to poo which was great. He had two wee accidents but it was better than over the weekend.
Today (Tuesday) also went well, he knew when he needed to poo but we had a few wee accidents. He alerts us he needs to wee as he is doing it, so we will keep working on that haha.
Considering how far he has come in a week, I think he’s doing really well. It’s a big skill to learn and something he has never really put much thought into.
It would definitely be easier if it was summer. We don’t have a drier so clothes obviously take a couple of day’s to dry. I’ve been putting him in jocks but not pants. He needs to have a few day’s in a row with minimal or no accidents so that I’m not having to constantly do washing.
I’m really glad we decided to do this during isolation though because we aren’t pressured into going out anywhere which means we don’t have to worry about accidents in the car or out and about. I’m hoping once restrictions start to lift he’s in a better position and has made more progress. Finger's crossed!
We are back to having unsettled nights again with Casper and to be honest I’m pretty exhausted. The poor thing gets so gassy at night. He wakes up squirming and pulling his legs up and he grunts and moans whilst pushing out farts. I try to help him by giving tummy massages and doing bicycle legs but more often than not he just gets so upset until I cuddle and feed him. I’m up most nights to him 3-4 times. Some nights it’s twice but that’s not very often unfortunately.
I started keeping a food diary to see if there is something I'm eating that's disturbing his belly. I thought I’d found a cause in curry and then oats but as the days went by I’ve discovered there isn’t really a direct cause which is pretty frustrating. It’s so hard not knowing what I can do to stop him from being in pain at night. I give him infants friend at every night feed in the hopes it helps settle his tummy but I don’t really think he’s doing too much for him.
I’ve started to wonder if the dreamfeed is having an impact negatively on his digestive system and sleep, so for Monday night I decided not to do one. It didn’t really make a difference. I was still up to him 4 times the poor thing.
I’m going to trial not doing it for a week and then reassess whether I do it again or not.
I'm starting to think this is just something he needs more time with. He will be 3 months next week and this is the age where things like this tend to settle down. Hopefully then we can start having more peaceful nights.
Back being sleep deprived has really opened me up again to just how rotten you feel waking up in the morning after not having a decent stretch of sleep. I am exhausted but I am coping okay however there are many parents out there that are in the real depths of sleep deprivation to the point they hallucinate, have chronic headaches and even put themselves in dangerous positions such as driving and having a micro sleep - this happened to a Mumma who came to me after she almost crashed her car she was so tired.
On top of this there are the feelings of failure, endless tears and the impact this can all have on your relationship with not only your partner but family and friends.
Anti Sleep Training Articles
Recently I have been seeing a lot of anti sleep training articles and preachers on social media. They go on about how unfair and unnatural it is to expect our babies to actually sleep.
This makes my blood boil. Parents do not need to sacrifice their mental and physical health to be supportive and have healthy attachments/bonds with their babies. Plus on top of this, when a bubba is sleeping the age appropriate amount it is so important for their own mental and physical development.
There is so much pressure on Mumma's in particular to cherish every single moment, to enjoy the middle of the night feeding sessions because 'it won't last' and that apparently a baby needs your constant resettling more than restorative sleep.
But how can you cherish every moment when your head is pounding from no sleep?
How can you enjoy feeding your baby when you start to resent getting up to them 3,4,5 or even 6 times a night?
How can you truly be happy and love being a Mumma when you find yourself crying all day? Or feeling anxious about being left alone with your baby whilst your partner goes off to work.
Mumma's should not have to defy human biological needs such as sleep in the name of 'being a good Mum'. Why is maternal sleep, the most basic form of self care, missing form the arguments about sleep training?
Why are these anti sleep training preachers sweeping the Mumma's most basic needs under the rug?
What many anti sleep training people don't understand or even care to try and understand is that a Mumma's needs are just as important as their babies.
You CAN sleep train a baby and still have a strong and healthy attachment. You do not need to leave your baby to cry it out on their own to teach healthy sleeping habits. You do not need to endure going to an unfamiliar sleep facility to teach your baby how to self settle.
This can all be done in the comfort of your own home all whilst supporting your baby every step of the way without compromising your parenting values.
Resisting Sleep Training
So many parents resist sleep training in fear of being judged, shamed or made to feel selfish. There is nothing selfish about wanting your family to sleep well, nothing at all.
So for the Mumma's who are hanging by a thread, you might hear that it's unnatural or cruel to want your bubba to sleep through the night but what about you? It's unnatural and cruel to expect you to run yourself to the ground. You do not need to choose between loving your bubba and your own health and well being.
Ultimately, your bubba's health and well being depends on your own health and well being xx